A Personal Hell
by kp4377
Summary: Emily Prentiss was losing the battle to hold everything in and in a brief moment her weakness was exposed. Maybe Oneshot maybe not...Please R&R
1. Chapter 1

_I'm not exactly where this came from or will go... if at all but it bugged me to write it so here it is..._

_It is Season 7.._

_I do not own Criminal Minds or the characters...shocking I know..._

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><p>A Silent Hell<p>

_"The difference between a helping hand and an outstretched palm is a twist of the wrist." ~Laurence Leamer, King of the Night_

The conference room was stuffy and cramped. It was all they had to work with, and basically it was all the tiny town had to offer. It wasn't the worst conditions they had ever been in but it was pretty close. There was no circulation of air and the six bodies created more heat than was necessary. The profilers crammed into the space and tried not to let the surroundings let their already shot nerves affect how they worked together. The smell of left over fast food and stale coffee mixed with the sweat and angst.

Emily waved the dry erase pen at the others as she spoke, and turned to write another name on the board.

Emily began to feel more claustrophobic as the time went on. It felt as if the walls were breathing and pushing their bodies closer together. The sparse furniture dissapeared and when she turned back around everyone was within arms length and it made it even harder to breath. Emily tried to back up only to find a wall stopping her movements.

She looked to the woman who stood only feet from her and when she looked into her eyes she caught the fear that filled them.

JJ's concerned voice broke the air, "Emily you're bleeding."

Emily looked at the blonde in confusion as they were not words she expected to hear.

"What do you mean I'm bleeding?"

Emily turned to look and saw that the others stared at her and were frozen in an unfamiliar fear.

She looked down and saw that her once pale pink dress shirt was quickly soaking up the deep crimson that was spreading out from her abdomen.

She didn't feel any pain but her hands shot to asses the obvious injury. She pulled her shirt up to reveal a hole that pulsed the blood out in rhythmic pattern.

She looked around at the others in shock and tried to press her hands against the wound only to feel the warm liquid envelope her hands. She began to backup again and was stopped this time by a body that had replaced the wall. She turned around to face the person and saw the face of evil peering down to her.

She tried to run but was rooted in her spot. She could only let out a scream as he lunged towards her.

Emily felt her body spring up and her eyes shot open. She felt the sweat on her brow and heard the sound that had released from her mouth. The unmistakable feeling once again consumed her, and it took a brief second for her to focus on where she was. Her hand went to her stomach and she looked down but there was no blood. As she took in a deep breath she realized there were eyes on her. She turned her head to come in contact with Hotch who had obviously been startled by her sudden movements and sounds.

The jet moved along smoothly. The cabin was dim and quiet as the other profilers were fast asleep in their respective positions. Hotch was the only one that had a small lamp on so he could continue his work on the case file. Emily swallowed and looked away but his eyes did not leave her.

She knew he had witnessed something she tried so hard to hide. She fought sleeping on the jet for the exact reason that the nightmares came at the most inopportune times. Some were so violent her own screams scared her. She was aware that it was not as severe a reaction because no one else had woken up.

She quickly rose and darted her eyes away and escaped to the bathroom at the back. She could feel his piercing look the whole time she made her retreat. He and the others had been respectful not to push the issue for her to open up about her experiences or pains. They got the hint by her constant redirections and jokes, but she was slowly cracking and it became obvious that it wouldn't be long before her makeshift repairs would not be enough and the levee would burst.

In the small room she clung to the sink and breathed in to regain some composure. She closed her eyes but the images were still right behind her eyelids and the disgusting feeling still consumed her entire being. She stared at herself in the mirror and was not even sure who she was looking at. She felt like a ghost and she couldn't deny that her eyes looked void of anything. She splashed cold water on her face in hopes that it might bring her more to the present and shock herself into a sliver of control.

If she could she would remain hiding but as she stood the walls began to consume her. No matter where she was she felt every inch of the space around her would slowly creep in to seal her in and eventually collapse on her. She took in a few more deep breathes for the courage to stand tall and play the role she had practiced before she came back. She hesitated at first but slowly released the lock and slid open the door.

She jumped slightly when she saw his form in the doorway that separated the kitchenette from the rest of the jet.

She was not surprised when her voice failed her and came out as a hoarse cracked whisper, "hey."

Aaron's eyes were flooded with concern and she could not keep contact with him. Everything strong about her was failing and him standing in front of her made it worse.

His words broke her desired silence and she knew what they were going to be she just wasn't sure how to answer them.

He stepped back so she could ease out of the small space, "are you okay?"

She knew any response sans the truth would be an obvious lie, but she was not ready to admit out loud at this moment and especially to Aaron that she was far from okay.

All she could do was force her lips to crease into a make shift smile. She let her head fall into a small nod and she looked down to not allow her eyes to betray her anymore.

As she gestured her answer she moved back to her seat in hopes to escape any more questions.

She was however trapped. She could not pretend to go back to sleep, there was no way she was interested in closing her eyes and it would be too obvious if she tried to pretend to read anything.

To her surprise the man said and did nothing, he sat back down and gave her one last concerned look before clicking his pen to continue writing in the file.

She wanted to feel relief that he had given up the hunt, but she didn't. She felt more confused, she knew she wanted help but really had no way to ask for it. She wasn't equipped with the ability to ask let alone accept any. She had built herself to be strong and sturdy and be able to resolve her own issues. She knew how to fortify her armor, it had begun when she was a girl. It was also how she survived the years in the arms of Ian Doyle, but it is also what made her good at her job at the BAU.

Now here she was in the safest place she could ever be with the people that could help her release all the pain she had flowing through her. She had no tools to deal when the help was offered. She didn't know when she gave too much or too little information or emotion.

She would send out feelers to see what they would grasp a hold of but when there was not an initial response she drew back in. The timing was never right and she felt the best way to cover was to help them with the pain she caused them. She felt if she could heal them she would find a way to heal herself. It worked for a miniscule span of time but slowly she found she had to reveal more about herself and it scared her now more than ever.

She took in a shaky breath and readjusted herself in her seat. The cushy leather felt like hard jagged rocks on her tense body and no position was comfortable.

All she could do the rest of the flight was stare at the spot in front of her. She would occasionally feel his glance on her but she never returned it or acknowledged that she knew it was there. Ever fiber in her body wanted to disappear into herself.

He would allow her to hide for now but for how long? No matter how hard she pushed it all down it would trickle up and threaten to explode. He was profiling her and she knew he saw it too, as she figured everyone did. They stood behind the respect of not profiling each other to not say or do anything. How long before it overtook her and she was compromised? When would it affect her ability to be a productive member of the team? Would it happen at a time that could put someone else in danger?

She realized it was in the moments of silence and calm everyone else craved she felt herself screaming for a distraction. The cases did that for her but they all would come to an end and she would find herself back in this spot of having to look into herself and be forced to acknowledge her personal hell.

When she finally gave into the stare she lifted her head to acknowledge him. She could see in his eyes that the time of waiting to confront herself was swiftly coming to an end and he was going to lead the charge.

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><p><em>What do you think?<em>

_Like I said I'm not sure I will continue this as I'm not sure where I would want it to go. I will leave it in progress for now as something might hit me!_

_But I'd love feedback!_

_Thanks for reading!_


	2. Making Sure She's Okay

_WoW the response was unexpected and amazing! Thank you so much for the reviews alerts and favs, they really got me to want to continue!_

_Hotch is a character I find complex and somewhat hard to write so I hope I do him justice. I wanted to take a chapter to see it in his POV._

_There will be one more chapter after this when he does confront Emily._

_Thank you for reading and please don't hesitate to let me know what you think! I love all feedback!_

_Happy reading!_

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><p>Making Sure She's Okay<p>

Aaron was not surprised that the conversations were short lived as the jet sailed towards D.C. Once the small aircraft hit a cruising altitude all the other profilers had dozed off to a much needed and desired sleep. Aaron was just as exhausted but he forced himself to finish some of the paperwork so he could make his time at home with Jack mean something.

The only sound he heard was his pen as it scratched across the paper in front of him. It became rhythmic and almost hypnotic. His pace was suddenly broken by an unexpected and terrified cry. His uncontrollable reaction to the start and movement in front of him caused his heart to race a little faster and his breath to increase. He readjusted himself in his seat and focused on the event that unfolded feet from him.

He had recovered quickly but his heart sank as he took in the sight of the woman as she tried to grasp what had just happened. Emily's eyes were filled with terror and fear washed across her face. He couldn't begin to imagine the images she had just seen and her frantic actions told him more of her true state than any of her controlled behavior had given them before. He wanted to be respectful and let her think no one saw into her reality but he couldn't take his eyes off of her. He knew her well enough that this slight loss of control was a major crack in her wall of denial and avoidance. He feared that her collapse was inevitable and saw it might happen sooner than later.

He was however at a loss, he so badly wanted to help her but had to wait for her to allow it. Not one day since she walked into the building and back into their lives had she asked for anyone to help her heal. He really had not expected anything less from her but the events were larger than anyone could have imagined. He had hoped for a small window into her struggles but she had put everyone else's in front of her own.

When she had refocused and took a breath to calm down it was at that point when their eyes met. He saw the panic that filled her when she realized what he had witnessed. She tried to cover it but became acutely aware that she couldn't. Her control was failing and the only thing she could do was avoid and run.

All Aaron felt that he could do at the moment was watch, but his internal battle continued to rage. He had made the decision for her, one that he had hoped saved her life. He really had no idea the fear she must have felt when she woke up alone and was told that she was about to embark on a life of darkness and solitude. In an instant all she had was ripped out from her but she accepted it as her fate, her punishment.

He spent the months picking up the pieces of the team, and he took it on as the consequences to his choice. He had gotten a grasp of where everyone was and dealing with the deceit but he was not prepared for what Emily had to endure. When pieces of her true pain and trauma would slip, the reality cut into him a little more. In these small instances when she silently begged for help he could never grasp hold long enough to get anywhere. She tried to hide it all with her ever convincing smile but it was obvious as it never reached her eyes like it once had. She would look away when she knew they would give her true pain a voice.

He couldn't stand that she felt like she had no one to truly confide in and he wanted to be that rock for her. She was always there for everyone, himself included. She had a natural instinct to just how much support to give and just how to approach the situation. It seemed to be a simple request and a natural thing but her walls kept him out.

As he witnessed her reaction to the nightmare and her silent retreat he felt he had to try to see if now was the time she would relent and let him in. He slowly made his way to the back of the jet and quietly waited for her to reemerge.

When she finally did he got his answer, her body language spoke volumes to him. She had no desire for contact or conversation. He wasn't going to push it in hopes that when she was ready he would be able to be there for her and she'd remember that he let it happen on her terms. Or at least let her think it was on her terms.

He could see the relief in her eyes when he let her sit in her silence. He couldn't help but continue to look back to her. He was no longer productive as his mind swirled in what horrific pain and torment wracked her. His fear for her well being reached a tipping point. When she finally gave into his stares and returned a look he felt the determination more to reach in and help her. Her deep eyes pleaded and screamed to save her and he would make it his focus to figure out how.

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><p>The morning at the BAU was relatively quiet and Aaron found himself standing in front of his office window and he peered down to the profilers working at their desks. He couldn't help but stare at the brunette and remember what had happened on the jet days earlier. She was working diligently as she always had, but he noticed she had buried herself deeper into work. He could see that work was her only distraction from dealing with herself, her compartmentalizing skills were on survival mode. He had done the same thing when he so desperately wanted to forget the horror that was Foyet. As he put more of this behavior together he became more alarmed to the consequences. The no profiling rule was going out the window in this instance.<p>

"So what do you want to do?"

Dave's voice startled him, as he had almost forgotten the man was in the room.

Aaron turned to sit back down, "about what?"

Rossi blew the steam from his coffee and took a sip from the mug, "about Emily?"

Aaron drew in a breath and gave the man a look of curiosity, "what about her?"

"Come on Aaron you don't need to act like you don't see it," Dave said as he leaned forward and placed his cup on the edge of the desk. He returned to his original position and gave the Unit Chief a knowing look.

Aaron looked back to the window and caught sight of Emily and sighed, "I see it I just don't know how to approach it yet. It's not like she's letting anyone in."

Rossi shrugged, "no but maybe she needs a little push."

"I'm afraid," Aaron cut himself off when JJ announced herself before she entered. He nodded at her and he watched as Dave and the blonde acknowledged each other.

She handed him a case file, "here's the Coroner's report you asked for sir."

He smiled and nodded, "thank you JJ."

"Sure," she smiled back them gave a curious eye to him and Dave. He could almost believe that she was trying to get a read on what they were discussing. She hesitated once more before completing her exit.

Aaron waited a second to make sure she was gone before he continued, "it's not like she's going to burst into tears and divulge everything."

"True," Dave agreed but shook his head to counter, "but if some sort of intervention doesn't happen we may be witness to something worse."

"She's strong-"

Dave put his hand up to cut him off, "no one would deny that Aaron. She's not letting us in because she's stubborn as hell, but also because she is punishing herself."

Aaron tilted his head in curiosity, "what do you mean?"

"Her guilt for what happened and what we all went through. She doesn't want to project any of her pain on us, she doesn't feel like she deserves to be helped."

"What happened to not profiling each other?" Aaron asked and returned the look Dave had just given him.

Rossi reached out and picked up his coffee again and half laughed as he responded, "oh come on Aaron what were you doing right now when you were staring at her?"

"I'm trying to figure out how to help someone that refuses any."

Rossi paused and his eyes narrowed and he lowered his cup. Aaron knew he was about to make a serious point.

"Oh and this coming from the man that made sure he was in charge of the grief assessments. All because you didn't want to have to address your own."

"But I knew she was alive. There was no need for me-"

Dave quickly cut him off again and Aaron realized he had not made himself clear. "Please Aaron, I can see the burden you've carried. Whether you knew she was dead or not you had no clue if you'd ever really see her again. So she had died to an extent. It was your decision and the weight of that must have been heavy, and still is."

He couldn't help but look out at her again. The others mingled and joked but she did not interact with them or lift her head from her files.

He looked to the older man to acknowledge his statement, "but it's not about me right now Dave."

"No, but look at how you would want help. You and Emily are more alike than you know. You have to remember that we had support during the grieving process. She had no one, so why would you think that even being back she would feel she had anyone to lean on?"

Rossi cleared his throat and let his eyes drift to Aaron's focus, "we have no clue to what she endured. We have to let her know that she has a right to share her pain and grieve as well. It's not all about her making sure everyone's okay, she has to be okay."

Aaron nodded but could not say anything else, Dave was right the time to let her deal on her own was over. He saw her glance towards his office and he had a feeling she knew her time was up.

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><p><em>Thank you again for reading and I'd love to know what you think!<em>

_Chapter 3 will be up soon!_


	3. Holding Strong

_Thank you for all the support and comments! I have to say this was one of the hardest fics I have ever tackled! This chapter in particular I found to be very difficult! I hope that it meets your expectations and you enjoy it!_

_As always I love the feedback!_

_Happy reading!_

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><p>Holding Strong<p>

The silence that now enveloped the Bullpen had been a gradual thing. Voices slowly trailed away and the sound of footsteps became distant.

Emily had acknowledged the teams departure and their request to join them for a bite with a smile but the insistence that she'd rather stay and finish her work. She ignored the questioning stares and quickly adverted her attention back to the paperwork in front of her.

She had not realized she was the only person left until the silence became overtly obvious, and it slowly began to gnaw at her. She glanced around and took her physical response to the abandoned space a cue to pack up and escape. She knew she chose this solitude but the somewhat comforting background noise that distracted her from her emptiness was gone. She was ultimately alone but the only positive of even going home was she had the unquestionable warmth of support of Sergio which in her agony was a calming force.

She had not noticed that Aaron was still in his office. A single lamp was on and his head was down. It was not a surprise that he was still there but she had avoided him the last few days so she didn't make an effort to look his way. She had hoped he would continue to keep a safe and polite distance as everyone had. But her gut told her otherwise.

She crammed a final file into her bag and sealed the flap over. She slung it over her shoulder and as she leaned over to turn her lamp off a sudden movement caught her attention. Aaron Hotchner leaned against the railing on the catwalk and stared down at her. She tried to smile at him but his facial expression was one she was not sure she could read.

They both stood and looked at each other in an awkward silence. She waited for him to speak as she was not going to initiate a conversation. She felt her jaw clench as she realized that being alone at the BAU would give him a chance to try and delve into what he witnessed on the jet. It had been another slip by her and she figured he would take an opportunity to test the waters once again.

"Are you heading out?"

She straightened up to acknowledge his words and nodded. She let out a nervous laugh, "I hadn't realized how late it was."

He then gestured towards his office, "would you mind giving me a few minutes?"

She knew what was coming and nothing was going to stop it. Whether she was prepared or not it had begun. She placed her bag on her desk then she straightened and smoothed out her shirt in an attempt to stall what was about to occur. She looked up to him and he stood patiently for her to approach. She felt her survival instinct kick and she wanted to disconnected from herself. She just wanted to watch from the outside as the interrogation went down, but she had a cutting feeling she was going to be very present for all of it.

She dodged eye contact as she slide past him and into his dimly lit office. She was shocked to see that there were no files or paperwork on his desk. She attempted to understand what it was he was doing the last few hours after everyone else had gone home. She shuttered at the thought he was preparing for this moment.

He slowly entered behind her and crossed over to his desk. She followed him with her eyes and felt herself holding her breath. Her hands were clenched and every muscle in her body was tight with tension.

As he slid behind his desk he gave her a polite smile. He then reached behind him and pulled out two glasses then a small decanter from the shelf.

She threw her hand up and in a shaky voice called out to him, "no, none for me thanks."

She stepped back slightly when he darted his eyes at her and she quickly countered, "but don't let me stop you, sir."

He narrowed his eyes and cocked his head back slightly, "so, no coffee or alcohol?"

"A lot of things have changed."

She had choked out the words and lowered her eyes as she felt shame wash over her. She wasn't sure why. It wasn't like this admission was a bad thing. But she had felt that one drink may lead her to want to drown it all. The reality was that there was a deeper meaning to her words, and she could see in his eyes that he got that.

Aaron set his own glass down and continued to let the room grow in the intensity of the two people. The tension and thickness in the air almost became suffocating.

Emily felt an urgency to get to the point, "is there a problem I should be aware of?"

"No problem, I just wanted to check in on how things were going."

"Fine," she lied in hopes to once again deter the inevitable.

Aaron replaced the decanter and slightly shook his head, "somehow I don't believe that."

Emily felt herself become defensive and fired back quickly, "I'm sorry, but is there a problem with my performance that needs to be addressed?"

He slowly walked around the desk to stand directly in front of her. He then crossed his arms across his chest and gave her another look she was unsure of. It was questioning but also held a sternness to it.

"No, your performance has exceeded any ones expectations. But that is not unexpected."

"So?" She questioned him and continued to try and hold strong and not let it get to the point of no return.

"So it has never been about your job performance. I just don't want you to use it as a distraction."

She moved her arms down to her hips and felt her voice raise slightly at his observation, "a distraction? From where I'm standing I'm in the middle of it all."

He seemed to disregard her statement and continued, "I know it's not been easy for you." He then hesitated with his words, "you know I'm here if you need anything."

She took in a deep breath and as she released it she looked up. She had no desire to make eye contact with Aaron, she was afraid her eyes would give too much away. She had wanted to solve it all on her own, to get passed it on her own, but it was still too raw. She couldn't keep track of it all anymore. All the emotions and pain and suffering could not stay in their boxes any longer. There was too many to try and control and they had begun to revolt. But she didn't know how to address it.

The anger she had felt was replaced as quickly as it had come and she responded in an almost inaudible whisper, "I-"

She straightened and tried a failed attempt at confidence. She swallowed and forced herself to control her tone and delivery, "I can't."

"Why?" He asked as he took a small step towards her.

"Because," she stopped and mirrored the posture that Aaron had then dropped her head.

She could feel his intense gaze on her to continue. All she could do was turn away and wrapped her arms around herself. She moved towards the window, it was the only way to create as much distance between them as she could. She felt he could feel the pain that surrounded and consumed her. Her stomach began to twist into a knot and she took in a few controlled breaths to right herself.

His voice broke the silence and he called out to in an almost pleading tone, "Emily?"

She was shocked to hear her name leave his lips and knew he was not taking anything lightly anymore.

She spoke to the window and whispered in hopes he didn't really hear her words.

"I just want to forget it."

"It doesn't work like that."

His words struck her and she felt a pang of anger begin to build again. She turned around and shot back to him, "you don't think I know that!"

Aaron bristled at her tone and then gestured to the couch behind her, "everyone one of those people you are shutting out sat right there and spoke of how much you meant to them. And their pain and anger they felt for losing you. All anyone wants is to help you."

Emily tried to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat. All of her guilt came flooding back. Every excruciating moment, thought and pain both physical and mental were right on the surface.

She couldn't fight it any longer but she reacted the only way she could with defiance.

"Don't do this." She said and let her voice hold a warning as she glared at him.

She felt the tears begin to prick her eyes as she pleaded with the man, "please."

Aaron kept his tone even and calm, "when is it ever going to be the right time?"

She couldn't speak, she knew he was right, there never was going to be a right time. She didn't want to relive the hell. She wanted it to stay buried but each time anyone showed their pain it just would resurface and linger longer than the last. The smallest words or actions started to become a trigger to some memory or agonizing pain. It was now cementing itself in place.

She cut eye contact again but her words were stuck in her throat and she could only respond with a slight shake of her head.

"Emily talk to me."

It was a simple request on the surface, but what was going to happen? The first real word was going to change the game she had been playing for so long. She got though each day and was relieved when she felt no one truly saw through her. But Aaron Hotchner had and now he wanted the truth.

She looked down and pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and fought the words that wanted to be released.

When they escaped she heard them and looked up to Hotch as they hit him, "I died and," her words began to trail off, "and still feel dead. I try but-" she stopped herself. She couldn't handle anymore and wrapped herself tighter to hold herself together.

She fought the shaking that was starting to consume her. She never wanted to admit that in her _death_ that she began to really believe that she could no longer be that person she once was. The scars ran too deep and the solitude of her exile only left her with her own twisted thoughts. She could only imagine to what others were feeling and experiencing, and each time they would cross her mind she felt there was no punishment suitable for what had been done. Her own thoughts began to scare her. Thoughts that maybe it would all be better if she did die. The only thing that she held onto was the occasional ambiguous interactions from JJ. They gave her the slightest amount of hope that if she was ever able to escape that hell there might still be a home for her.

Aaron said nothing and continued to look into her eyes. She returned the stare and once again held her breath. His brow relaxed and his eyes softened to her admittance. She began to see pain in them, and it took her back. She knew he held onto his own pain and his initial avoidance of her was him dealing with his decisions. For the first time she realized he had not fully moved on. She began to understand his need for her to let him in. It was a request she was not sure she could properly fill.

She suddenly realized she wasn't ready for this and her legs were not strong enough to hold the weight of all that was coming down. She moved to the couch and collapsed onto it. She was losing control and brought her hands to hold her head for support. She kept her head down but visualized what he was doing. She heard the chair move and felt Aaron's movements as he set it near her and sat down.

He let her sit in silence and she felt his eyes on her but she continued to stare at a small spot on the carpet below her.

When he began to speak she only lifted her eyes to him. "Tell me about Paris."

She closed her eyes and shook her head and could only mouth the word _no_. He wanted her to speak of the black hole that was seven months of her life. Paris used to be a place she loved to escape to, it was a beautiful city that she always felt had a trace of magic to it. But now it was an abyss of hell. A dark corner she never wanted to return to even in her memories.

"Emily, I don't expect you to talk about what happened with Doyle."

Her head shot up at the name and she peered into his eyes and she waited for him to continue. "I understand that there are some things that need to be left alone, but you can't hold all of it in."

She drew in a deep breath and finally relented. She gave him the only thing she could handle at that moment. "When the physical pain was gone I actually missed it."

She looked past him and stared into the dark corner of the room. When he didn't respond she knew he wanted more. She shook her head and let our a small sigh, "I missed it because I felt I deserved it and it distracted me from my own thoughts."

He leaned forward slightly and she wanted to retreat but his words were soft and apologetic, "I'm sorry you were alone."

She wanted to laugh at the statement but not out of humor but of the reality of it.

"There was no other way right?"

He answered quietly and this time his head dropped slightly, "no."

Emily felt the guilt again come back full force. It was a giant wave that crashed into her without mercy.

She felt her voice crack as she spoke to the man that broke contact with her, "I'm sorry I did that to you."

He looked over and his face became confused, "what are you talking about?"

Emily folded her hands into each other and began to pick at her nails. She looked at the action she created as she spoke, "I put everyone, especially you, in a position no one should ever have to be. I'm sorry you-" she stopped when he put his hand up.

"Emily I made the best decision possible. I knew the consequences and have accepted them."

Emily felt his own walls go up at his response and felt the need to stop him just as much as he strived to stop hers. "Do you? Is that why you stand further back in meetings, speak mostly of case work and avoid personal conversations?"

Emily watched as Aaron sat back. If they were going to get right to it she wasn't going to let him slide either.

"This isn't about me."

"No? And when is it going to be?"

"You are not going to get off that easy. You can't turn this around and think it's an out. I won't accept it this time."

They were at a stand still. Emily was ready to scratch and claw her way out of having to really deal with anything and Aaron made it clear that her wasn't letting her leave until she came clean.

His eyes softened again as he spoke, "you're not alone anymore."

"I know."

"No, you don't."

She looked back to him but didn't say a word at first. She leveled her eyes with him and he returned her stare. She felt herself losing the battle and stood up to turn away again.

"God Hotch what do you want right now?" She half yelled and only turned her head towards him, "do you want me to start crying and beg to feel anything other than this complete emptiness?"

"If it helps," he said plainly.

She turned back around and stared into the black night. She was afraid if she did let one tear fall there was no stopping the ones that wanted to follow. She was never one to cry in front of anyone and she was so afraid she might not be able to control that part of her right now. He wanted some reaction from her to know she could progress to some normalcy but she couldn't see it happening.

She had not noticed that he had rose from his chair and was now right behind her. His voice was soft but the proximity of him made her jump slightly.

"No one deserves what you went through, and you can't continue to punish yourself."

He was right but she really didn't know what else to do. It is all she did for seven months she didn't know anything else anymore.

"Yeah, but-"

"Let us help you. Please." Aaron pleaded again.

"I don't know what there is to help," she lowered her voice more, "I don't feel like there is anything left to help." She wanted to be shocked at her admittance but had given in to trying to fight it any longer. She really was tired of pretending she was as strong as everyone thought.

Aaron placed his hands on her shoulder and turned her around to face him "if you truly believed that you would not be here right now. We would have lost you, really lost you. Give yourself some credit Emily."

She kept her head down and drew in small breathes in an attempt not to not suffocate by her emotions that bubbled up and threatened now more than they ever had.

"Emily," he said her name again and moved closer and she took a step back shaking her head. The intensity of all that was brought up was over running and she couldn't stop it. Her throat had closed and it choked her. She felt as the tears escaped her eyes and the words that no longer could be formed. She tried to move away but Aaron stopped her as he put a gentle hand on her shoulder.

He tried to soothe her and spoke softly, "it's okay."

She could only mouth her refusal and lost all visual contact with the man in front of her. She held her arms tightly onto herself but did not fight as he pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her. She gave in and buried her face into his chest and felt if he wasn't holding her she would collapse to the floor as she convulsed with each sob that violently wracked her body.

She no longer thought about being strong, for once she was letting someone else, and Aaron held tighter to give her the support she desperately craved.

Time began to slow with each tear that fell and with the gradual release of jagged pain that had been built up for so long. Their embrace might have been awkward, they had never physically touched in more than a handshake or simple gesture, but in that moment it wasn't about boundaries or professionalism it was about saving each other.

When she felt she had regained enough control to keep herself standing she felt him release her. She did not look at him at first but when she did she smiled slightly at the small difference she felt. Emily thought in that instant she might be able to revive the person she once was. She was reminded again to why she had fought so hard to climb out of hell, it was in front of her and surrounded her everyday.

_"Today is a new day. Hiding from your history only shackles you to it. We can't undo a single thing we have ever done, but we can make decisions today that propel us to the life we want and towards the healing we need."_

_~Steve Maraboli ~_

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><p><em>I really didn't know how to end it so...<em>

_I know there wasn't a lot of dialog but I feel that Hotch and Prentiss' non verbal interactions speak volumes to each other._

_I hope you enjoyed the story and please don't hesitate to leave your thoughts!_


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